Monday, January 4, 2016

All over the place

Someday going to bed and getting sleep will be their favorite thing.  

Tired and giving days of motherhood
These last few months I have caved and told my little stars how tired and exhausted I am at times.
I know there's been plenty of you in the same shoes.
I wake up in the morning earlier than them just to clean up anything else that needs to be cleaned, exercise, hang with my love and best of all spend time with the Lord.
Boy an hour and a half goes super fricken fast! 
Most of them get up at 4:30/5 to start school.
I am(or Dave) usually awakened by Abraham, Gabe crying for Mom or Dad, or a nightly sleep walker.
As I go through the day. It's like this uphill battle especially if your tired from a long night before. School, laundry, kid's exercise, food prep, baking, arguments among siblings, or more laundry because someone else just woke up and had an accident. Repeat.
It's ok to have those moments where we've just had enough.  It doesn't mean you don't love them any less or we're a bad mom.  We;re just real.  These little stars can simply be wearing.

To do lists start for schooling and squabbles just because we love and everyone continues until they are done. 
By this time I'm warming up my second cup of coffee for the 5th time. 

All the questions they come up with crack me up.  
 What would happen if God never created light?
Why doesn't God answer our prayers and buy homes for the homeless?
Why doesn't he bless us with more kiddos? Seriously?
Is cancer contagious?
Is the cancer gone when daddy was done with radiation?
Can you die in your sleep?
What does heaven look like?
 How old are we in heaven?
Gabe is only little once...can I just take 5 minutes to play?
When that revelation time comes mom, what if all the people that are in hell and it's people we know....will they have to battle us? I mean that would be really hard fighting against people we know.
 Why isn't all of our nail white...just the top?
What happens if both parents die?
 Sometimes I just want to die to be with Jesus and see heaven and come back and tell you all about it.

What these kids think of blows my mind.

Sometimes my to do list isn't even touched.  Ya know me I'm an OCD lister.  If it gets to messy with things crossed off, make another. Totally forgotten about until it's to late and I needed something done.  
I love clean counters and just sitting and enjoying them.  
Tired and completely exhausted by doing nothing some days...really.
Doing nothing is like10 minutes of heaven.
I always seem to have this fear in the back of my mind that it's just not enough. Worry, fear and tears.  It is exhausting.

Then there is HOPE.
Hoping that I am being somewhat of a good mom.
A good mom is probably exhausted. I have days where I cry sporadically throughout the day. Loud music always makes me cry, kids loving on each other, a simple thought I may have or a loving gesture from my kiddos.  Good books, happy thoughts, my awesome husband, cancer free, all of you guys loving on us and baby Abraham.  The love I have for my kiddos is simply overwhelming and I am so grateful to be a mom.

Being a mom is what I dreamed about my whole life.
We always seem to get through it.
Giving is just part of our story.
Those who give so often give even when they don't have anything left to give.
You are beautiful, brave, giving and loved.  
Keep going!