Welcome to Camp Funk

Heavy hearts💔💔💔

Wow these last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion.

We have had little man here and it has been hard.  An emergency visit came up and we gladly picked him up.

Its getting harder and harder to return him to his mamma

I have been having some big feelings this week about this little guy and the system he’s been forced into. 

 Sometimes it feels like the rules are backwards in foster care. I’m supportive of reunification and want birth parents to succeed. That’s what I signed up for right? 🤨 

But I’m human and I get scared for him and so many like him. I think about how I am the one who knows everything he likes and definitely does not like. I have rocked him in the dark, sang Jesus loves me and prayed over this little muffin. I wish he slept more but I also can’t wait to pick him up when he wakes up. And I think how unfair it is that he had to start out his beautiful life the way he did. I get angry. I get sad. I have hope and then I lose it and then I get it back. 

Foster care is a freaking wild roller coaster with a threadbare seatbelt that looks about to break at any moment. I’ve said this week “I don’t know if I can do this again” and also “Why did I agree to do this???” I feel like a bummer to be around because foster care is mostly a Debbie Downer subject. And then I feel guilty about that because kids NEED foster parents and if I’m a downer then I may have deterred others from stepping up. But then I remember that this is the reality! I am an honest, open person.

 If you ask me about something I give the honest answer. Even when it’s tough. I remind myself that we HAVE TO get too attached!!! It’s the only way to love a child. Period. You’ve got to throw your whole heart in with reckless abandon and give them all you’ve got. We don’t get to know what will happen in foster care on a daily basis. And nothing is in my control! I honestly hate that part so much. I love this tiny guy so much and want to stand in front of him like a mama grizzly and claw and kick anyone in the face who would not protect him in the same fierce way. I guess I’m just trying to say it’s been a weird last few weeks inside my head. And I have a lot of feelings going on...

 

There are quite a range of emotions in foster care on a daily basis. I want him to feel safe and loved. I give everything to make sure he has that. And yet I don’t get to know or say what will happen to him. The hardest part of all of this foster stuff (besides the heart break the kids & families experience) is having no control. Turns out... I really like being in control of my life!🙈 Taking care of him is the easy part! So for today I will focus on that. ♥️ “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34