Tuesday, April 30, 2013

just coming up for air
(not complaining here...just writing and sharing my heart
and yes I would still love more kiddos)

somehow
it seems like I am constantly under water trying to come up for air and I keep getting pushed down
I know this is a season
and I am the one who usually says that.
BUT 
the baby is still not sleeping although we did have 4 good nights last week
he was only up every 2 hours.
He is back to about every hour and sometimes he even is up for an hour at a time trying to get himself back to sleep
I do miss walking outside to get some fresh air and quiet time
my quiet time now consists of having Dave take Gabe for an hour or two just so I can at least sleep 2 hours.
God never said this was going to be easy
so I continue to lean on him for strength and patience to get me through the days.
I am not a sleeping in kind of person so that puts me
 behind because it takes my precious devotional time away from my kiddos in the morning or just time to hang out and read or write
we end up doing them at night then and it all works out just fine
BUT
Change is happening here and I don't know if I like it or if I am just having a harder time adjusting to it.   
my kiddos are getting older and I have a hard time accepting that.
my days are going faster and I am running out of time to do things that I usually do
trying to pick my priorities here and what is more important.
my to do lists are quite funny
I have been trying to take a nap in the afternoon with the 2 little's which works great.
I seem to be only able to nap for about 20 minutes though.
How does that work when I am so exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open.
I have no idea...
I love these days  and I feel so blessed
I wouldn't change it for the world
love praying over Gabe every time he is up and my head is bobbing
we are so blessed
I know I will never have this time again
this winter was long 
but home school was and is so much fun
I love that Spring is here and there will soon be sand and water all over the floor 
dirt under all their nails
bandaged knees
sunscreen all day long
love being in my jammies all day and schooling Odin
my kiddos think makeup is for Sunday's only!
I realize  the basic everyday things are all about being a mother
 worn out and tired
doing things over and over again 
it actually really matters
you seem to get stronger and stronger
and braver and braver
every day is different
we are still moving forward
loving our kiddos all day
hugging them and kissing them
playing hours upon hours of Uno with them
brushing teeth
playing kickball
bike rides
washing dishes
wiping buts and noses
talking for hours about nothing
tucking them in at night
 I know I will never get this time back
we will have plenty of time to sleep and catch our breath
strength will come on this motherhood journey
and it is beautiful